I don't write fiction.
I've never been good at making stuff up from a blank sheet of paper, but I do like parodies. I wrote quite a few as a teenager and since retiring from a full time commitment to anything one of the quirkiest odd jobs I picked up for a year or so was writing a column for Winchester Today - a newspaper, news website and radio station for that town run by my radio friend and BJTC colleague Kevin Gover.
Last year, at this time, I sat down to do my usual wry look at life and instead began typing what follows. I didn't think Kevin would go with it, and I'd have to write some more copy, but he printed it and now reading it back I actually quite like it too.
I don't claim to be any sort of a great writer but I hope this brings a smile on the Eve of what will be for our family and many others a strange, strained and very new if totally un-normal Christmas.
Have the best possible festive season in these wretched times, and let's hope 2021 is a lot better.